As Saturday mornings went, this one was damn near perfect.
Detective Jim Ellison, Cascade PD, lay stretched out on his couch, in his underwear, watching cartoons. On the shorter couch, perpendicular to him, sat his partner, roommate and best friend, Blair Sandburg. Blair had been typing away at yet another paper for his graduate school studies, but had finally abandoned his laptop onto the floor and was sitting back himself, eyes glued to the television set. Every once in a while he would let out a snort of laughter and Jim would smile, too, more from Blair's enjoyment than the joke on TV.
Jim sighed with contentment, letting his senses expand to take in the serene ambiance of his home. The hum of the refrigerator and distant rumble of the pipes provided an aural backdrop to the chatter of the television. The sweetness of the French toast from breakfast almost covered the fading tang of curry from their takeout the night before, both scents mingling with the indefinable smell of home. He stared up at the ceiling, idly reminding himself to check on the damp spot there before it became a full-fledged leak. But it could wait just a little longer.
Drawing his awareness back in, Jim turned his head slightly to focus on his companion. Blair's breathing was slow and even, his heartbeat at its resting rate as he stared at the television, oblivious to his partner's scrutiny. Jim could still detect the moist heat from the recently shampooed hair, its distinctive scent strong in his nostrils. He closed his eyes briefly to savor the peaceful moment, much valued after a busy week.
The music from the closing credits broke his reverie, but not his good mood, as he clicked off the television and twisted his head to view his partner full on. Blair was stretching, back cracking and shirt riding up to bare his stomach. Jim watched affectionately, waiting until Blair relaxed before speaking. "So, what are we going to do today, Chief?"
Blair looked at him with a grin. "Same thing we do every weekend, Jim...."
"Try to take over the station," they finished in unison and Blair hooted with laughter.
"Man, I don't know if I want to do much of anything today," Blair continued. "Yesterday was definitely way up there on the freak-out scale."
Jim shook his head wonderingly. "Chief, I don't know why you need to ride with me to get your adrenaline fixes when the university keeps providing so much excitement."
"Yeah, and the Divinity School, of all places," Blair agreed. "Talk about job dissatisfaction."
"Job dissatisfaction doesn't exactly explain why she held the Dean hostage for six hours and almost blew your head off with a shotgun."
"She wanted her benefits, man," Blair replied, adding defensively at Jim's incredulous look, "Hey, you don't know what it's like to work for the university at these wages."
"Well, she can join her roommate in the loony bin," Jim said, shrugging dismissively.
"Her roommate?"
"Yeah, don't you remember that call on Monday?" Blair looked at him blankly. "The woman at the supermarket who attacked the stocking boy with a stiletto while he was carrying empty boxes to the dumpster."
"Oh, yeah, I remember her," Blair said, picking up his laptop and turning it back on. "We never did figure out whether she was going after the kid or the boxes."
"Loopy," was Jim's final comment on both cases as he sat up and began to stretch out the kinks in his back. He slumped back into the couch as Blair started clicking away at the keyboard again, in no particular hurry to do anything else but sit there.
The knocking at the door echoed in his sensitive ears like a sledgehammer on concrete. He winced, then saw Blair shaking his head at him reprovingly. "Told you not to leave your hearing up like that."
"Save it, kid," Jim growled, trying to hang on to his happy mood, but resenting the intrusion from outside. He started to go to the door, but Blair headed him off.
"You're almost naked," his roommate pointed out. Although Jim had never been shy about walking around the loft in various states of undress, he felt himself flush unaccountably at Blair's words. "I'm dressed, I'll get it."
He let Blair answer the door, though he refused to be driven out of his own living room just because he was in his boxers on a Saturday morning. Heading into the kitchen, he poured himself another cup of coffee as Blair opened the door.
"Are you Blair Sandburg?" he heard a light female voice ask after Blair's initial greeting. Blair muttered a confused affirmative and the woman continued. "I'm Jenna Davison, with Cascadian Style magazine, and this is my colleague, Kevin Lee. May we come in?"
"Uh, yeah, sure," Blair answered, moving aside to let them in. Jim watched with interest as a slender young women with short, platinum blond hair, wearing a stylish blue suit and carrying a stenographer's notebook entered, accompanied by a tall Asian man loaded down with camera equipment. They immediately began looking around the loft, but when Kevin began assembling his camera and blocking out shots of the living room, Jim decided it was time to intervene.
"Hi, there, I'm Jim Ellison," he said loudly. "I live here. Can we help you with something or were you just in the neighborhood?"
The woman, Jenna, turned and fixed him with a dazzlingly perky smile. "Oh, you're Blair's roommate? Great, we'll want to talk to you, too."
"Um, excuse me, but what is this all about?" Blair finally asked, exchanging a befuddled look with Jim.
"We're doing our big annual issue of Cascade's fifty most interesting people," Jenna told him, seemingly without breaking her wide grin. "And you've been nominated and selected for the list."
"Really?" Blair said eagerly, his face lighting up. "That's cool!"
"He was nominated?" Jim persisted. "By whom?"
"Hmmm, let me check the information I was given," Jenna said, frowning delicately as she paged through her notebook. "It was by a student of Blair's... The only name I have is Ruth."
"Ruth... Ruth..." Blair mused. "Oh, yeah, she's the quiet one in the back of my physical anthro class."
"It's always the quiet ones," Jim muttered, earning a dirty look from Blair. "Midterms coming up, Chief? She must be trying to score extra credit."
Jenna was busily scribbling notes as Blair glared at his partner and hissed just loudly enough for Sentinel hearing, "Jim, cut it out, man! And-" Blair looked significantly at Jim's bare chest and jerked his head toward the stairs to Jim's bedroom. Jim felt another flush heating his skin where Blair's eyes had traveled and irritably shook off his discomfort. Still, he decided that putting on some more clothes might not be such a bad idea, especially if these so-called journalists were going to be wanting any pictures of him. He'd already been half-naked on tabloid TV once, and he did not care to extend the experience to the print media as well.
Jim kept half his attention on the conversation downstairs as he pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, hearing the reporter woman asking Blair about his studies and work at the university. He relaxed slightly at Blair's happy tone. Annoyed as he was that his lazy Saturday had been interrupted, he had to admit that Blair deserved recognition for his work and extraordinary intellect, recognition he normally got all too seldom. And although Cascadian Style was hardly the Nobel Prize, it was a nice treat for his overworked partner.
Still tucking in his shirt as he jogged back down the stairs, Jim immediately found himself accosted by Jenna.
"So, Jim, you're Blair's roommate as well as his work partner?"
"Yeah, I am. We-" Jim started to answer pleasantly enough until he was cut off.
"Why don't you tell me how you two got together?" she bubbled on over him.
He had actually been just about to do that, but he smiled gamely and continued on despite his irritation. "Well, Blair approached me while I was on a case, telling me about his thesis on police work and asking if he could ride along with me to gather information. I talked my captain into authorizing it, and he's been with me ever since."
"And that was over two years ago?" Jenna asked with wide eyes.
"That's right," Jim replied. "Now, I don't know quite what you folks are looking for here, but...."
He trailed off encouragingly, and as he expected, she jumped into the gap. "Oh, we just want to get a feel for how Blair lives, what he does, maybe get a few pictures. We'll try not to intrude."
They had already intruded more than enough for Jim's liking, but one look at Blair's excited face quelled Jim's objections. He already indulged his partner in a lot...what was one more thing? After all, he demanded so much of Blair on a daily basis, it was only fair. So he gritted his teeth and sat down with the morning paper, resolutely trying to ignore the two strangers wandering around his home and monopolizing his friend. Occasionally, Jenna would ask him some inane question that he answered in monosyllables until he caught Blair's upset look.
"Be civil, man," he heard his roommate whisper for his ears only, and with an internal sigh of resignation, he prepared himself for a massive effort at congeniality.
The things he did for this partnership.
The reporter and photographer stayed for another hour, and as they continued talking about Blair, Jim gradually mellowed. He really was very proud of his friend and the way he managed to juggle school, teaching and research while still being almost a full-time partner to Jim. Blair was glowing from all the attention, and Jim decided the inconvenience was worth it to see Blair so excited.
He allowed Kevin to shepherd him over to the kitchen counter to stand next to Blair as Kevin snapped photos and Jenna kept asking her questions. "So, Jim, tell me how you and Blair became roommates," she said, not pausing in her scribbling.
"Uh, well, Blair's apartment got blown up by the drug lab next door-" Jim started, wincing as the flash went off right in his eyes. He felt Blair's hand at his waist, anchoring him as he tried to concentrate on what Jenna was saying.
"Blew up? Drug lab?"
"My old neighborhood wasn't so great," Blair interjected with a sheepish laugh. "I begged Jim to let me crash here for a week or two and he was real good about it."
"A week. But here you both are, over two years later."
"Yeah, well, it was too much trouble to kick his butt out," Jim said, grinning down at his partner. "Besides, the kid kind of grew on me. Like a fungus or something."
Blair elbowed him in the ribs for that and Jim laughed. On impulse he slid an arm around his friend's shoulders and gave him a quick, hard hug. Blair leaned into him for a just a moment before straightening up, and Jim turned his head just in time to catch another flash right in the face.
"Hey! Watch it!"
Jim had almost forgotten about the reporters when he came into work one morning and found a copy of Cascadian Style on his desk with a note from Simon telling him to take a look at it. For the first month after the interview, Blair had checked the newsstands religiously every Monday morning, driving Jim crazy with his anticipation over the weekend, and then sulked until at least Wednesday when the special issue still did not come out. It was almost a relief to see the cover emblazoned with large red letters: The 50 Most Interesting People in Cascade.
He picked up the magazine and started to page through it, looking for the piece on Blair, but before he got to it his phone rang and the issue ended up buried under a pile of paperwork as he discussed a new case with the medical examiner. Jim had put it out of his mind when Brown stopped by his desk and waved a hand to draw his attention away from the files he was pulling up on the computer. "Hey, Jim, where's Mr. Style?"
"Huh?" Jim replied, taking a moment to process the remark. "Oh, Sandburg's teaching this morning. He'll be in this afternoon. So, you read the article?"
"I'll say I did," Brown replied. He clapped Jim on the back as he sauntered out of the pen. "Way to go, Jimbo. Didn't know you had it in you."
"Huh?" Jim said again, but Brown was already gone. He shrugged, vowing to read the magazine just as soon as he finished up what he was doing, and went back to downloading the records he needed. The first document had not even been completed when another head poked around the corner and distracted him again.
"Oh, hi, Detective Ellison," the tall, brunette young woman said. "I was looking for Blair."
Jim furrowed his brow, trying to place her face. "Sorry, he's not in 'til this afternoon." Kelly. Her name was Kelly, his brain finally registered. One of the new attorneys with the DA's office. And she had a copy of Style in her hand.
"Well, could you just tell him I stopped by?" Kelly said, checking her watch. "And tell him I understand now about the other night." She grinned and waggled the magazine in the air. "All the good ones-gay or taken. Or both." She sighed dramatically, then winked at him and left.
Jim sat, stunned, staring after her, then suddenly lunged for his desk. He pawed through the piles of papers until he found the glossy magazine he had set aside earlier that morning. Flipping through it without bothering with the table of contents, he spotted the name "Sandburg" and yanked the page back. He started to skim the text, but stopped cold when his eye caught the full color picture on the opposite page.
There he was, standing in his own kitchen, hugging his partner close to his body. Blair had been captured looking up at him with an expression that could only be called adoring. White print at the bottom of the page read: "Sandburg and his partner share a domestic moment (Sorry, girls, but this one seems to be taken already!)"
"What the hell?" Jim muttered, hastily scanning the rest of the article. Most of it was innocuous enough, with only the barest mention of Jim at all, but that picture... Jim grimaced. Him and Sandburg? How had she gotten that idea? Not that he didn't love his friend, but he didn't love him that way. He had shared more of himself with Blair than anyone else, ever, and when it came right down to it, there was no one he would rather spend his life with. But not like that. That just was not Jim Ellison's style.
He could only imagine what Simon was going to have to say about this.
"Ellison!"
Speak of the devil.
"In my office."
Jim reluctantly lifted himself to his feet and trudged into the captain's office, shutting the door behind him and taking his usual place in front of Simon's desk. A desk that bore a certain magazine open to a certain photo shoot on its otherwise conspicuously empty surface.
"Have a seat, Jim." As Jim morosely seated himself, bracing for whatever was about to be thrown at him, Simon picked up the magazine and studied the photo carefully. "This is a great picture of you, Jim. Have you considered it for your next ID card?"
"Simon..." Jim started, but Simon lifted a hand to silence him.
"No, Jim, hear me out. Despite my deep inner hurt that you never told me about you and Sandburg-"
"There is no-" Jim attempted to interrupt, but Simon shushed him again.
"Ah-ah-ah, let me finish. As I was saying, my feelings are hurt, but I'm willing to overlook that. After all, we are an equal opportunity employer. Now, are you and the kid going to make it official?"
"What?" Jim sputtered.
"Because if you are, I know the guys will all chip in on a gift. What do you want? A toaster?"
"Simon!"
"Or maybe another one of those crystal serving platters we got you and Carolyn. She smashed that during the divorce, didn't she? Too bad, but I'm sure...."
By this point, suspicion was dawning in Jim's mind that his captain was having a bit of fun at his expense. "Cut it out, sir, there aren't going to be any gay weddings around here."
Simon raised his eyebrows. "You really should consider it. I mean, I don't know what department policy is on these kinds of domestic partnerships, but if you can get the kid on your health insurance, it might be a good idea. God knows, he probably needs the extra coverage the way he gets banged up."
Jim closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Let Simon have his joke. Jim would just file this little incident away for future reference. "Are you done, sir?"
Simon chuckled and leaned back in his chair. "Relax, Jim, I was just getting on you. But you have to admit, that's quite a photo."
"Yeah, I know," Jim said. "But, c'mon, Captain, you know how these pseudo-journalists are. They take a hundred pictures of someone just to get one shot they can take totally out of context and make something out of it."
"I know it," Simon replied with sympathy. "And don't worry, everyone else here knows it, too. Though you're probably going to get a lot of grief while the rumor mill digests it."
"If my friends are doing it, God help me when word gets over to the feds and down to Vice."
"You'll pull through," Simon told him, pouring two cups of coffee from the pot behind his desk. "What's the kid making of it?"
"I don't know," Jim answered wearily, sipping at the hot coffee, grateful for the caffeine boost after an already long morning. "I haven't seen him yet today. But I'm sure it'll roll right off his back." A wicked gleam lit Simon's eye and Jim pointed a warning finger at his friend. "Don't say it, Simon. Don't even think about saying it."
"Didn't have to," Simon said with a grin. "Dismissed, Detective."
"Um, Jim?"
The bashful voice came from directly in front of Jim, but he kept his eyes down on the report in front of him. Blair had been standing there for almost a minute before trying to attract Jim's attention. Jim had known he was there and he knew Blair knew Jim knew, but Jim had taken enough flack over that damned picture that morning that he was really looking forward to sharing some of it with his partner. "Yes, Chief?"
"Uh, I guess you saw that article, huh?" Blair shifted nervously from foot to foot.
Of course Jim had seen it, and Blair knew it. Jim had left the magazine open on his desk just to make sure Blair would know it as soon as he came in. "Yes, I did. Quite an interesting profile, I thought. It captures your bubbling personality."
Although he still did not look up, he heard Blair swallow hard before speaking. "Look, Jim, ummm...." Blair drew a deep breath as if to say something else, but then stopped.
"And that Kevin guy-man, what a photographer," Jim continued, as if Blair had not spoken. He picked up the magazine, pretending to carefully regard the full page photo. "You're really very photogenic."
"Uh...thanks," Blair replied weakly. He was clearly thrown off guard by Jim's strange behavior, which was exactly the way Jim wanted him.
For the first time since Blair had arrived, Jim looked directly at him, putting as much sincerity into his gaze as he could. "You know, it's okay, Chief."
"What's okay?" Blair asked warily.
"This," Jim replied, motioning to the picture of the two of them. "I just want you to know, I'm cool with it."
"You are?" Blair squeaked.
"Yeah, it's no big deal," Jim said, leaning back and making a magnanimous gesture. "Though I really do wish you would have just told me."
"Told you...?" Blair stared at Jim in confusion, and Jim thought with amusement that surely his Sentinel hearing ought to be able to pick up the sound of the wheels spinning in his friend's brain. Jim stood up, grabbing his jacket, and began walking to the elevator, leaving Blair to jog after him.
"Wait a minute, told you what?"
Jim smiled, watching as his trap closed ever-so-gently around his hapless partner. He rested his arm around Blair's shoulders. "How you feel about me. It's no problem; in fact, I'm really flattered."
"Jim!" Blair spluttered, trying to duck out from under Jim's arm just as Joel Taggart walked by, making kissing noises at them. Jim responded with a clear 'up yours' gesture and listened to Joel's laughter echoing down the hall as he and Blair reached the elevator.
"Oh, man...oh, man..." Blair was muttering under his breath as Jim steered him into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, Jim hit the stop button and Blair looked at him in surprise. "What'd you do that for?"
"Oh, I just thought we could have some private time together before we go to lunch," Jim said, lifting his eyebrows lasciviously at his partner.
Blair leaped back and pressed himself against the opposite wall. "Hey, man, cut it out! You're really starting to freak me out here."
Jim took in the look of sheer terror on Blair's face and suddenly could barely hold back his laughter. He made a mock grab for his friend, who skittered away with a little squeaking sound that made Jim lose it completely. Blair stared at him with a mixture of shock, confusion, and finally growing annoyance as Jim howled with laughter, slumping against the elevator wall and holding his stomach.
"Oh, ha, ha, real funny, man," Blair growled when Jim had calmed down enough to wipe the tears of mirth from his eyes. "Geez, Jim, what were you trying to do, give me a heart attack?"
"If you could have seen your face," Jim said, still chuckling. It had been a long time since he had laughed that hard, and after the morning he had had, the stress relief was more than worth having Blair a little irritated at him. "Come on, Chief, I'll buy."
The rest of the afternoon passed quietly, and other than a few strange looks in the hall, no one made any mention of the magazine. Jim overheard Simon organizing a discreet effort among the Major Crime detectives and staff to get the word out in the station that the picture and caption had just been bad taste sensationalism, heading off any possible harassment at the pass. He was relieved, but at the same time somehow sad at having to again defend his relationship with his partner. He was closer to Blair than to anyone else in the world, would do anything for him, but he hated trying to define their partnership in concrete terms, even to himself. Doing that meant defining the feelings he had for Blair, the ones that ran so deep he could hardly explain them even to himself. And this whole magazine piece was threatening to make him depressingly introspective if he did not fight it.
Blair was beside him the rest of the day, less fidgety than usual, helping him with the usual backlog of paperwork. Jim tried to concentrate, too, but found himself looking at the photograph again. Brown had run out to buy a frame for it, reminding Jim that whatever damage control his friends might perform for him outside the department, he was still going to get ribbed about it. And now it sat on his desk, drawing his gaze like a magnet.
It was a beautiful picture, he had to admit. If it had not been published for all of Cascade to ponder, he would have thoroughly enjoyed it. Looking at it brought back the intimacy of the moment it had been taken, when just for a second he had forgotten the reporters and everything else except for the affection and gratitude he felt for his partner. They had shared an instant of tenderness and perfect understanding-an instant captured on film and distributed for the amusement and titillation of everyone they knew, and plenty of people they did not.
It was the last part that was keeping Jim disgruntled.
"Still a nice picture," Blair murmured beside him. Jim glanced over to see his friend with his eyes locked on the photograph, an odd look on his face.
"Yeah," Jim agreed softly, then, with a sudden surge of restlessness, stood up and grabbed both their jackets from the hooks behind his desk. "I'm ready for this day to be over, Chief. Let's go home."
Home was good. Home was peaceful and safe, away from the world, where it did not matter what anyone from the university or police station thought about anything. Jim bolted and chained the door, with no intention of opening it again that night. Not for Simon, the police chief, or possibly even God Himself. Certainly the latter was the only one with any prayer whatsoever of getting in.
He turned from the door as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it next to Blair's. His roommate had already dumped his backpack on the table and was now in the kitchen rummaging through the refrigerator.
"Hey, Jim, I was thinking of making this Thai chicken noodle salad for dinner. You think this chicken I defrosted yesterday is still good?"
"Should be," Jim answered, coming over to lean against the kitchen island.
Blair reached for a knife, then suddenly froze with his hand still in the air over the counter. A peculiar expression came over his face and he began shifting uncomfortably. "Uh, but if you want to make something else for yourself or something, I won't be offended or anything."
Jim frowned quizzically. "What? Are you trying to tell me you're tired of cooking for me or something, Chief? If you want me to take a turn, I would, you know."
"No, no, that's not it," Blair said hastily, avoiding Jim's puzzled gaze. "It's just that if you feel like we're getting too domestic here, if you want some space for yourself, you know, that's cool."
Understanding dawned. "That magazine really bothered you, didn't it?" Blair shook his head in a mute denial that Jim did not believe for a second. He casually reached past Blair to open the fridge and grab a beer. "Look, I'm sorry I teased you about it before. I didn't mean anything by it."
"Yeah, I know, man. It's just that...." Blair's sentence trailed off hesitantly and Jim gave him a look making it clear he could not stop there. "Well, it's just that down at the U this morning... Well, a lot of people made a big deal out of it."
"You got harassed?" Jim said, straightening up and looking sharply at Blair. He had not really thought that Blair would have any problems at school, but it should have occurred to him that the conservative upper echelons of Rainier University might not respond well to hints of non-heterosexuality within their ranks.
"No, no, Jim," Blair quickly said again. "They all thought it was really cool."
"Then what's the problem?"
"But that's exactly it!" Blair declared, waving his hands and looking at Jim for the first time. "They all instantly just assumed it was true."
Jim chuckled, relieved that no one had been unduly nasty to his partner in that other world of academia. "Well, it was a pretty incriminating photo, you have to admit."
Blair mumbled something and even Jim's hearing could not make out the jumbled words. "What was that, Chief?"
"It wasn't just the photo, Jim," Blair repeated reluctantly. "They already thought it, or at least a bunch of them did. I had at least a half dozen people come up to me before I even made it to class this morning saying what a cute couple we were and how they were glad to see we were finally out."
Silence fell for a long moment as Jim digested that little tidbit and Blair watched him carefully for a reaction. "So, I guess that really bothers you, huh?" Jim said at last, hoping that if he just restated the obvious, Blair would respond with some hint of what he was really thinking.
Blair turned slowly and mechanically put the chicken back into the refrigerator. "Only because it would bother you," he said, his voice muffled as he shifted bags of vegetables around on the shelves.
If that was Blair's idea of a hint, it left Jim even more confused than before. "Why should it bother me, unless it bothered you? I mean, it doesn't make a difference to me what anyone at the university thinks of me. I didn't think anyone there even knew who I was."
"Oh, they know, man," Blair said with a sigh, grabbing a beer for himself and giving up even pretending to cook. He walked over to the furthest bay window and stood looking out. "You're not exactly inconspicuous in the department, you know, and you're around often enough for people to notice. Apparently, a lot of them just assumed you were my boyfriend."
"Damn," Jim said softly. "I guess Rainier's more liberal than I thought it was."
Blair turned around, his face showing a hint of surprise and exasperation. "But, Jim, don't you get it? What if it's not just them? I mean, look at us. We work together, we live together, we spend most of our free time together, neither of us has had a real relationship with a woman in, like, forever. Even old Mrs. Baker, the department secretary, said we act so much like a married couple she just assumed that we were."
"Wow," Jim said dumbly, coming around the counter to sit down at the table. "I never really thought of it that way."
And he hadn't, although in retrospect perhaps he should have. He and Blair had had an intimate relationship right from the start, in every way but sexual. It came as only a mild surprise that some people would assume their friendship included that as well. Judging from some of the comments at the station that morning, he suspected it was not just Blair's colleagues thinking it, either.
He stared at his beer bottle, wondering why the idea did not bother him. It should, he was sure, but somehow he could not get upset by the thought of any intimacy with his partner, even if it was an intimacy existing solely in the minds of others. To be with Blair, that way... It was a new thought, but not an uncomfortable one.
"Do you think it would be so bad, really?" Blair's low voice startled him out of his own thoughts and Jim's head jerked up to face his friend.
"Would what be so bad?"
Blair waved one hand absently. "You, me, us, together. I mean, I know that's probably not something you have any interest in, but I figured I might as well ask, as long as we sort of had the topic going. You know what they say about opportunity knocking, man, so I thought, hey, why not just get it all cleared up now, just so we both know how things are and all. So, it's no big deal, don't worry about it. I just wanted to say that, well, I wouldn't mind it if you wanted to try. I know you probably don't want to, but I thought I'd say it, because it's always better to say these things and be honest. Isn't it?"
Jim nodded mutely, since some response seemed to be expected of him, trying to sort through the rambling speech and figure out what Blair was actually saying. Even as he
tried to make sense of it all, he instinctively knew that it was vital he understand what Blair was trying to tell him and respond in exactly the right way. Whatever Blair might try to claim, it was a big deal, to both of them.
Blair wanted him, his brain finally reported.
That way.
Thinking of a deeper relationship with his friend as a theory had not disturbed him at all. In some ways, it had even held a certain appeal. But now here was Blair, presenting it as a valid option, as something he maybe, sort of might want to do, if Jim were agreeable.
Was he agreeable? Somehow, at this moment, it was the most important question posed to him in the last decade or so. He definitely was not disagreeable to the notion, but it was still a strange thought. He had had tender feelings toward male friends many times in his life, but those friendships forged in the heat of combat never had the intensity of what he shared with Blair. And never had his sexual urges led him toward anyone who was not wholly-and voluptuously-female. Yet the thought of touching Blair, holding him and feeling him move in Jim's arms....
Blair was still looking at him. His eyes were wide and he looked as terrified as he was eager. Jim fought the sudden rush of blood along the surface of his skin, recognizing it as the same feeling he had experienced weeks ago when Blair's eyes had traveled his bare body. He was exhilarated, and frightened, and he knew he had no choice but to go forward. If he denied now the feelings he was only just realizing he might have...there would never be another chance.
He rose and walked over to his friend. Blair's eyes never left his face, though Jim could hear his heart beginning to race as Jim got close to him. They stood for a long moment, just looking at each other, as Jim gathered his thoughts.
"No," he answered at last, "it wouldn't be a bad thing."
For the first time since Jim had known him, Blair was completely speechless. That was fine, since Jim could think of only one way to test the feelings he suspected he had, and it involved Blair's mouth in a non-speaking mode.
Jim raised a hand to touch Blair's face, letting his fingers lightly caress Blair's cheek while his thumb stroked Blair's jawline. The wide blue eyes never wavered from his as Jim held Blair's face steady and leaned in to brush the slightly parted lips with his own. They were as soft as they looked, and a soft exhalation of breath warmed Jim's own lips as he pulled back.
They were both silent and completely still as they studied each other's faces. Blair swallowed hard as Jim leaned his head forward to kiss him again. This time he caressed Blair's upper lip with both of his, urging Blair to open his mouth and let Jim cover it with his own. The kiss deepened as Jim felt hesitant arms come up to encircle his back. He slid one arm around Blair's shoulders to pull him closer, while the hand on his friend's face moved further back to bury itself in Blair's thick hair. The curls were warm and silky around his fingers, and it was only with the greatest reluctance that Jim managed to pull himself away and take a step back, the taste of Blair strong in his mouth.
Blair also let his hands fall and stepped back, still gazing at Jim with a wide-eyed look of shock on his face. Jim was struck with the urge to laugh at Blair's perfect imitation of a deer caught in headlights, but suppressed it just in time. With an effort, he focused his wayward mind to avoid both nervous hysteria and zoning out on the perfect crystal blue of Blair's eyes.
"Blair..." he managed to murmur through a suddenly dry mouth.
"Yeah," Blair answered, his voice cracking just a little bit, too. The full lips Jim had just kissed quirked slightly in an almost imperceptible smile that eased Jim's tension enough for him to speak. He had read Blair right.
"I've never done this before, Chief," he said haltingly, feeling somewhat shy at the admission, since he was suddenly sure that Blair probably had, and more than once. "To be honest, I've never really even thought about doing it."
"But do you want to?" Blair asked solemnly, those guileless eyes drawing Jim even deeper into a trance-like state.
"Yes," he whispered. "I want to try... But I don't want you to expect too much."
The sudden smile was nearly blinding, and made Jim's breath catch deep in his chest.
"It's okay, there's no pressure. Why don't we just...lie down together for a while and see what happens? We can take it real slow, just...you know, explore a little."
"Slow sounds good," Jim replied. He took a deep breath, reluctant to reveal how strongly the thought of lying down with his partner affected him. The mental image assaulted all of his senses, sending surges of blood to the already-sensitized area below his waist. "I really do want this, Blair."
"I know you do." Strong fingers danced lightly over his chest, sending shivers through him. "You wouldn't say it if you didn't."
Further proof, as if he needed any, of how well his partner knew him, how much he had to trust him just to bring up the subject in the first place. Jim blinked back the sudden sting in his eyes, feeling his lips curve upwards without his volition. From the brightening of Blair's own shining eyes, he figured his smile must be as idiotically ecstatic as Blair's own. Joy warred with his nerves, winning only the narrowest victory as Blair took his hand and tugged gently at him.
"Come on," the other man urged him, leading him to the stairs going up to Jim's bedroom. "Your bed's bigger. Besides, I've always wanted to do it up there."
The words and sly grin pierced the dream-like haze that kept engulfing Jim's brain. "Oh yeah, kid?" he responded, swatting at Blair with his free hand. "Well, only if you're doing it with me."
Blair stopped halfway up the stairs and turned back to Jim with a more serious expression. "That's the only way I've ever wanted it."
All the air was gone from Jim's lungs. The slow burning warmth spreading through his body might have been from oxygen deprivation, but Jim attributed it to the abrupt realization that Blair not only wanted him, but loved him, and deeply. He swallowed convulsively, suddenly consumed with the need to hold Blair and kiss him again. Giving his friend a gentle push, he got them both up the stairs in record time.
Blair was sitting down on the edge of the bed before Jim had a chance to think of what to do next. With his female liaisons, his motions were sure and expert, moving them both into the best position for the exchange of pleasure with full confidence in his skill as a lover. But with a man... He was much less sure how to proceed, what Blair needed, if it would be the same.
"Come here," Blair said, holding his arms out to Jim with another beaming smile. "Remember, no pressure. I just want us to enjoy each other."
Jim nodded and slowly stepped forward to take Blair's hands and let himself be pulled into an embrace. His partner had never guided him the wrong way before; Jim would trust him in this, as in all things. Blair lay his head against Jim's stomach, wrapping his arms tightly around Jim's waist. Jim relaxed against his friend, hands moving to twine again in Blair's warm hair. He combed his fingers through the thick curls even as Blair's hands stroked along his spine. A warm, contented feeling filled him as he simply absorbed Blair's presence, becoming more and more comfortable with the sensation of Blair's body against his own. Which, he supposed, was Blair's intention all along.
The relaxation was gradually superseded by a growing urgency. He wanted more, to complete the sharing they had begun and to find out if loving Blair would be the all-consuming, almost mystical experience he thought it would be. Blair must have sensed the change-he looked up at Jim with a new fire in his eyes, loosening his hold until his hands were resting lightly on Jim's rear end. Having Blair's hands on him there was startling, despite his desire... until Blair let out a wicked chuckle immediately followed by a hard pinch to Jim's posterior.
Jim yelped.
Then Jim pounced.
Blair's delighted laughter filled Jim's ears as he pushed Blair down onto the bed, landing on top of him with a mock growl of annoyance. Strong arms gripped his back as Jim buried his face in the crook of Blair's neck and nipped at the soft skin there. The salty sweet taste of Blair aroused him as much as the skillful hands moving over his back, stroking him softly from neck to thigh until Jim's pulse was racing and every nerve ending ached for that gentle touch. He nuzzled into the soft hair by Blair's ear, trying to keep enough control not to start pushing his hips into Blair's to escalate their pleasure as quickly as possible.
The wandering fingers on his back slipped enticingly just inside the waistband of his slacks, untucking Jim's shirt to reach the bare flesh. Jim pushed himself up on his elbows and looked down into Blair's face, the mood turning from playful to tender and needy. He lowered his head to taste Blair's mouth again, indulging himself with the lover he was coming to crave. The mutual exploration continued until they were both gasping for air and the clothes they wore seemed like sandpaper to Jim's sensitized skin. He rolled off Blair and sat up, pulling the other man with him even as he pulled at the buttons of Blair's flannel shirt. Somehow, they got it off without losing any buttons and then yanked off Jim's sweater and undershirt. Blair pitched the bundled fabric dramatically over the loft railing and Jim could only chuckle breathlessly as he reached to run his hands over the soft skin of Blair's bare shoulders. Kissing the newly exposed flesh of Jim's chest in return, Blair fumbled with Jim's belt and wrestled the slacks off of him. Then he stood and unbuttoned his jeans, kicking them free until he was clad only in his boxers.
Jim took in the sight as Blair leaned over him with both hands on his shoulders and one knee on the bed. He had seen Blair in his boxers more times than he could count, and had been equally unclad himself just as many times, but this was so different. Now that bare skin begged to be kissed and touched, and the thin cotton underclothes covered a distinct bulge that was for him and only for him. He drew a shaky breath, gently caressing the skin at Blair's waist. Trembling slightly, he brushed his fingers over Blair's hardness, feeling the heat that poured from it traveling directly to his own groin. He had wondered if he could be aroused from touching another man this way. While the idea in abstract held little appeal for him, the knowledge that this was Blair, his own Blair, before him made the touch an act of pure love. And his physical desire was no longer something he wanted to deny, even if he could.
"Blair..." he whispered.
"Jim," Blair answered hoarsely. Tightening his grip briefly on Jim's shoulders, he pushed Jim back onto the bed. Jim shifted himself lengthwise so that Blair could lie down beside him, and they eased themselves back into each other's embrace. "Jim," Blair groaned again as their bodies twined together.
An answering moan escaped Jim's throat as he felt Blair's hips push against his. His hands roamed restlessly over the curves of tight muscle and soft skin in his arms, no longer exploring but merely stimulating both his lover and himself, feeding their rapidly escalating need for union. Blair's mouth touched his again, coaxing his lips apart to admit a seeking tongue. The sensation of the kiss alone was enough to send him thrusting against his partner, desperately trying to unite himself with Blair to relieve the desire pounding through his entire body.
With a sound of frustration, he pulled out of the embrace, determined to remove the last barriers to their lovemaking. His concentration was so focused on the pulsing ache in his groin that he nearly missed the panicked look in his partner's eyes.
"Jim?" Blair panted, reaching out a hand to soothe him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it so fast...." The breathless apology was cut short by a yelp as Jim yanked the waistband of Blair's boxers downward, not even making a minimal effort at gentleness as he pulled them down off his lover's legs.
"It's okay," Jim managed to get out as he wiggled out of the last of his own clothing. "I just want you really badly, Chief."
"Oh," Blair replied, his eyes seemingly glued to the body that was now naked to him. "Cool."
Jim wanted to look his fill at the exquisitely aroused body before him as well, but his own arousal was overwhelming him with the need for more physical contact. He pulled Blair back into his arms, lying back as Blair hooked a leg around his thigh to bring them into closer contact. Jim gasped as he felt the heat of Blair's erection press against his stomach, then shift until it rubbed against his own stiff organ. The sparks of sensation only increased the burning in his lower body and he began thrusting rhythmically against his lover. Blair matched his pace, moving with him as they surged together. He heard Blair whimper in his ear just as his lover's entire body stiffened and jerked, wet heat flowing between them. It was tacit permission for him to give in to his own passion, and he did, letting the physical and emotional sensations buffet him as he clung to his partner in the moment of his orgasm.
"Oh, God," he heard himself gasping when awareness of the world outside his groin returned. "God, Chief, that was...." He rolled to the side, releasing Blair from his convulsive grip, breath coming in short pants.
"Incredible? Unbelievable? Sublime? Transcendent?" Blair offered, starting to regain control of his own breathing. "I can think of a lot of adjectives, man."
"Those will do fine," Jim said, reaching to pull Blair back into his arms. Now that he finally knew the feeling of Blair's body against his, he could not get enough of it. Blair resisted for a moment, reaching down to snag his boxers from the foot of the bed and wiping them both clean before snuggling back into Jim's embrace. They were quiet for a while, drifting in the afterglow, before Jim gathered himself to speak again.
"This is going to change things, huh?"
"Nah," Blair answered sleepily. "We're still friends, right?"
"Yeah, of course."
"So, now we're friends who sleep together." Blair snuggled deeper against Jim's shoulder, obviously considering the subject closed for the night.
Jim had a feeling that things were not going to be as simple as that, but he did not feel any great need to press the subject now. He was content to be here with Blair, in a position that already felt as natural to him as breathing. "Wonder if it's too late to get that toaster out of Simon," he murmured, a random thought striking him on the edge of sleep.
Blair gave a muffled grunt that said he was too far gone to comprehend him. Jim chuckled faintly, giving in to his happiness as he slid into dreams.
END
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