Satisfaction

by Cori Lannam

Danny was quiet on the drive home, spending most of it slumped against the side door, staring out the window at the city lights passing. Casey wondered if his friend had noticed how often Casey had turned to look at him, but if he did, it didn't seem to bother him. That was good, since Casey didn't think he could stop even if it did. Danny had almost died, over there in Nigeria, and Casey knew it, no matter how hard Dan tried to make light of the crisis.

The silence remained perfectly comfortable. Not comfortable the way it had once been; the quality of the silence had altered subtly, but significantly. There was a knowledge there, now, an acknowledgment of feeling that Casey had accepted, even though he had no idea what to do about it next. Somehow, though, it didn't matter. Danny was home, safe and with Casey, and all other considerations seemed minor next to that.

When they pulled into the parking garage next to Dan's building, Dan seemed to wake up a little. "Wow," he said blearily. "Almost home, huh?"

"Nearly there," Casey replied, hitting the trunk release as he got out. He grabbed the heavy garment bag, leaving the lighter rolling suitcase for Dan, and waited for his partner to collect himself before they headed across the short distance to the apartment building.

Dan fumbled for his keys when they reached his doorstep, then got the door open and entered the dark apartment. Casey followed without comment, until he stumbled over the suitcase Dan had abandoned in the middle of the living room floor. "Sorry," Dan said in response to Casey's involuntary curse, then switched on the end table lamp.

"Not a problem," Casey forced out while rubbing his leg. He dumped the garment bag on the couch and moved the suitcase over to the side, then went to stand beside his friend. Earlier in the day, he had stopped by to turn the heat back on, so that the apartment would be warm when Danny got home; he had succeeded well enough that his suit jacket could be tossed onto the couch next to the luggage.

Dan was looking around the room with a peculiar expression on his face. "It's kinda surreal, you know?"

"What is?"

"Being back here. It's like Lao-tzu and his butterfly. I don't know whether I feel like over there was a dream, or this is."

"I can tell you, this is real," Casey said. He laid a hand on Danny's shoulder and waited until Dan looked at him. "And it was Chuang-tzu who dreamed he was a butterfly."

"Chuang-tzu?" Dan said, taking a small step forward into Casey's personal space. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure," Casey replied, and took Danny into his arms.

He had hugged Danny before, had even held him and been held by him, in moments of celebration or grief. But it had never felt like this. Never as though Danny belonged right here, pressed up against him, the warmth of their bodies mingling through their clothes. He understood Dan's feeling of unreality; it was hard to convince himself that they were really there, holding each other in an embrace far more tender than would be permissible by the rules of modern masculine friendship.

Danny sighed and let his head drop onto Casey's shoulder. The soft breath against Casey's face reminded him of the kiss Dan had brushed against his cheek in the studio just before he went on the air. The gesture had warmed him, but now it felt somehow incomplete. Solemnly, Casey turned his head enough to press his lips to Dan's cheek. He felt Danny smile in response, then lift his head so that Casey's next kiss fell close to the corner of his mouth. When Casey moved to kiss the spot again, Danny's head turned just enough for Casey to touch softly against Dan's mouth.

More hesitantly than the first time, their lips moved together, but, like the first time, the kiss quickly deepened into something more passionate. The moment soon came when, in their first encounter, weeks and a lifetime ago, the experience had overwhelmed Casey and he had pulled violently away. A feeling of irrational panic welled up in him now; if he went on with this, if he allowed the moment to intensify any further, it would be irrevocable. No mistake, no momentary indiscretion he could excuse away, but a true expression of his own desire.

He started to pull back before he was aware of the movement. But this time, Danny did not let go. At some point, Danny's hand had come up to hold the back of Casey's neck, and he kept his grip firm. Casey remained barely an inch from Danny's face, looking into Dan's surprisingly calm and patient eyes. Maybe Casey was trying to make the same mistake he had before, but it was clear that Danny, at least, would not do the same.

Gradually, Casey's breathing slowed and his heart stopped racing. With relief, and no small hint of embarrassment, he let his head fall forward until his forehead rested against Danny's. After a moment of simply enjoying the closeness, a small smile quirked at Casey's lips, and he tilted his face upwards to catch Danny's mouth again. Caught by surprise, Danny laughed a little, breathily, then shifted his grip to draw Casey as close to him as possible.

This time, Casey relaxed fully into the moment, letting the sounds and sensations of their kisses play along his body. His earlier panic seemed silly, now. After all, how many women had he kissed in his lifetime? Not as many as Dan, certainly, but regardless, it was a fair number. How many of them had he loved, or even really liked? The number dwindled considerably. But Danny, he liked. Danny, he loved, as much as he had ever loved anyone, and he had no doubt Danny loved him as much as he had ever been loved. What could there possibly be to fear in that?

And kissing Danny felt so good. So incredibly good, he could hardly believe it. The taste, the pressure, the restless hands caressing his back, the broad shoulders under his own kneading fingertips, all were so much better than he could have imagined. Danny put all of himself into his kisses, something Casey had realized in some part of his mind the first time Danny had kissed him, but this time that realization exhilarated him Kissing a man, kissing this man, couldn't be wrong, not if it felt like this.

Danny sighed once more against Casey's lips as the kiss ended, then leaned against him again. "Ah, Case," he said, almost incoherent, against Casey's ear.

Casey tucked his face into the crook of Danny's neck, kissing the soft skin just above Dan's collar. "Yeah," he mumbled in agreement.

"I really need a shower," Dan said, pulling away with obvious reluctance. He pressed a trio of kisses to Casey's temple, cheek and lips before disengaging himself completely.

"Okay." Casey released him reluctantly. Danny did smell a bit like airplane, but it wasn't particularly unpleasant. Certainly not enough to end their extremely enjoyable newfound pastime, but he could understand Dan's need to wash off all traces of his journey.

"I don't think there's much left in the kitchen, but help yourself," Dan called over his shoulder as he headed towards the bathroom.

"You want me to make you something?"

"Nah. I'm too tired to eat right now."

Casey shrugged as he entered the kitchen; he didn't think he'd ever been too tired to eat. Not that there was much available at the moment anyway. Danny hadn't been kidding about the bareness of the cupboard, but Casey managed to scrounge a bag of chips and a plate of leftover lasagna with no obvious mold on it. He carried his loot back to the living room and threw himself down on the couch, grabbing the remote to flick on the television without letting go of his fork.

"Yes, my friends," Conan O'Brien was saying, his image flickering into life on the screen. "We've got quite a show for you tonight."

"I bet," Casey answered as he stuffed a forkful of cold lasagna into his mouth. "But better you than me, buddy."

And for once, he meant it. If he had taken Conan's show, he would have lost Danny. Sure, Dan would have eventually made it to New York, and they would have remained close friends, but he would have lost his partner. Everything would have been different.

He watched as Conan made goofy faces at the camera in response to something his sidekick had said. Often Casey had wondered how much of himself Conan put into his on-air persona; he had never met the man, and had, in fact, turned down a number of invitations to appear on the show. But every now and then, Casey watched, and wondered what he would have done in Conan's place. If he could have constructed enough of a presence to carry off what Conan did every night, and if there would have been anything left of Casey McCall when he was done.

"On further reflection," Dan said from behind him, "I'm glad Conan has the job."

Casey twisted his head up to see Danny standing behind the couch, gray t-shirt and boxers clinging damply to his body, hair still spiky and wet from the shower. "You think so?"

"Yeah," Dan answered. He laid his hands on Casey's shoulders and squeezed slightly. "I would have made a really sucky sidekick." As Casey returned his grin, Dan bent to kiss the top of Casey's head softly. "The bathroom's free, if you want it."

"Thanks," Casey said as Danny grabbed the garment bag from the sofa and went back towards his bedroom. Without a second glance, Casey clicked Conan and Andy into oblivion and abandoned his midnight snack on the coffee table.

In the bathroom, Casey splashed water on his face and toweled it off before leaning in close to the mirror. He stared himself frankly in the eye; he was used to looking at his own image in various places, but he usually didn't need to expend much more analysis than it took to fix his hair.

This time, however, he looked hard. He didn't look any different than he had days or even hours earlier. Same even features, same brown eyes and sandy hair. Nothing to show that he had just been kissing a man and enjoying it. The slight flush in his cheeks could have been from the cold water, and his darkened lips gave only the slightest hint of his conduct.

He wasn't sure whether he was relieved or disappointed.

No, he was the same person he had always been, even if Casey felt as though everything in his life had suddenly been thrown into a sharp relief, as though seen from a completely different perspective. He stared harder at his reflection. Still the same. He was a handsome man, and had always known it. A more conventional handsome than Dan, whose beauty was as offbeat and quirky as his personality. The contrast made them a fine match on the air - off-air, he was finding, it made the physical chemistry between them even more intense.

That thought resulted in one more splash of cold water. He closed his eyes and let it drip down his face onto his collar before finally drying off and undressing. When he was down to his t-shirt and shorts, he pitched his dress clothes onto the top of the laundry hamper, kicked his shoes into a corner, and went back out into the hall.

The door to Dan's bedroom was slightly ajar, opening at Casey's touch into darkness illuminated only by the hallway light from behind him. The garment bag lay open on the floor by the closet where Dan had evidently abandoned it after a half-hearted attempt at unpacking. Danny himself lay in bed, curled around a pillow, already deeply asleep. Casey leaned against the door jamb and watched the quiet rise and fall of Danny's breathing. Dan must have been even more exhausted than Casey had thought, and he pushed down his disappointment at not at least getting to kiss Danny good night.

Casey straightened up as a more serious issue occurred to him: clearly he was expected to spend the night, but where was he supposed to sleep? Usually, when he stayed over at Dan's, he pulled out the sofa bed and slept there, but usually, he hadn't just spent a good ten minutes making out with his host, either. Still, no matter how passionate their interlude had been, it didn't necessarily confer permission for Casey to climb into bed with Danny uninvited.

He glared at the motionless lump beneath the covers. Typical. Of course, the person who talked more than anyone else Casey knew would fall asleep without so much as a word about whether or not he wanted Casey with him tonight. Not even a hint. Half of the bed stretched invitingly empty next to Dan, and Casey couldn't help but think of how it would feel to slip under the comforter and fall asleep with his best friend in his arms.

But Danny would have said something, if that was what he wanted. In the absence of any input from his partner, Casey could only assume that there was to be no deviation from their normal routine. After all, just because you kissed someone did not automatically mean they wanted to spend the night together. Especially when the weeks preceding that kiss had been filled with animosity, or no contact at all. No matter how much he wanted to stay, Casey had no intention of destroying the tentative intimacy between them just because he had started craving an even deeper intimacy. Not before they had a chance to talk about it.

With a wistful sigh, he pushed away from the doorframe and padded over to the bed. The urge filled him to talk about it now, just to make sure everything was okay, but it would wait. For now, Danny was here, which was more than Casey had been able to say even just a few hours ago. He bent and laid his hand caressingly on Dan's upper arm, then leaned closer to kiss his sleeping friend lightly on the temple. Danny didn't stir, and Casey felt vaguely guilty for the fleeting hope that he would. Dropping one last kiss to Dan's cheek, Casey turned and left the room, easing the door shut behind him.

"Well, Conan, old buddy," he sighed as he settled back onto the couch, turning on the television in time to see Conan laughing hysterically over something Kevin Pollak had just said. "It's just you and me tonight."

But before the second commercial break ended, Casey was slumped against the arm of the couch, deep in confused dreams of someone who was most definitely not Conan O'Brien.

It might have been the blaring music from the Tonight Show rerun that woke Casey, but it was the sound from elsewhere in the apartment that made him sit up and groggily fumble for the remote control. "Danny?" he called softly. He got to his feet and moved quietly back towards the bedroom. "Danny? You okay?"

He pushed the door open and stuck his head inside in time to hear Dan turn restlessly with an inarticulate murmur of distress. Casey crossed the floor in a few strides and turned on the bedside lamp. "Danny, come on, wake up," he urged, sitting on the edge of the bed and giving Dan's shoulders a firm shake. "You're dreaming. Wake up."

"Casey!" Dan cried, then his eyes flew open and his entire body jerked as he came back to awareness. Casey kept his hands on Dan's shoulders as the other man gasped and sat up, struggling to free himself from the tangled sheets around his legs. "Oh, God."

"Are you okay?" Casey asked. He had never seen Dan so wild-eyed. The sheen of sweat covering his face enhanced the effect of primal terror.

"Yeah," Dan said and rubbed his face with his hands. "Just a dream. Same one I had back in-"

The words cut off abruptly, but Casey could finish the sentence for himself. It was the same dream Dan had in Nigeria, probably while in captivity. Casey had no idea what had happened in that dream, but he was fairly certain he did not want to know what his connection to it was. He settled for rubbing Danny's shoulders soothingly. "It's all over now."

Dan shot him an irritated look and leaned back until Casey's hands fell away. "Of course it's over. What do I look like, a five-year old?"

"No," Casey said, letting his hands drop to his sides. The rebuff stung, even though he recognized the defense mechanism for what it was. Dan bowed his head, staring down at the bunched up comforter in his lap until Casey was ready to jump out of his skin with discomfort. "If you want to talk -" he started, then cut himself off and stood up before he could make the situation any more awkward.

The hand on his arm startled him. He turned enough to see Dan looking up at him, face still closed but with vulnerable eyes. "Case," Dan said, then stopped. Casey waited for him to either continue his sentence or release Casey's arm, but Dan did not do either. "Stay," he said at last. "Will you?"

Casey swallowed past the new layer of sandpaper in his throat. He nodded jerkily. Dan could probably see at least his silhouette in the light from the doorway. At least the movement seemed to satisfy Dan enough for him to release Casey's arm. Still disconcerted both from his sudden wakening and Dan's request, Casey made it to the door and pushed it shut. The latch caught with a click that seemed to echo louder than the actual sound, as if to emphasize their solitude.

Sheets rustled in the darkness; Danny was straightening the covers and lying back against his pillow as Casey made his way to the other side of the bed. He slid under the comforter that he pushed back with trembling hands, highly aware of the significance of his act as he lay down with his best friend. But as he turned onto his side to face Danny, the tension left him. They edged closer to one another until their heads rested on the same pillow; Casey slipped an arm around Danny's waist and found it greatly comforting. Physical contact had always been a part of their relationship, and this seemed no more or less natural than any other time they had touched each other.

Dan turned toward him, pulling the covers up over them. One arm came up behind Casey's back, hand resting lightly on his shoulder blade, and Casey leaned into the embrace. It was warm and peaceful, and he slid easily into a contented doze.

He drifted back into consciousness slowly, summoned by the gentle touch on his back. Danny's hand moved in small circles, rubbing lightly in a way that was both soothing and exciting, even through the material of Casey's shirt. He opened his eyes to see Danny watching him, the light from the window just enough to see the glint of Dan's eyes and the dim outline of the faint smile on his features.

Only inches separated them, making it a small and simple motion for Dan to move forward enough to kiss Casey's lips softly. Casey instinctively responded to the caress, tightening his arm around Dan's waist and tilting his head to return the kiss, catching Danny's lips with his.

The kisses continued, playful and tender, and Danny shifted even closer, trailing his fingers down Casey's side. The touch moved across his lower back and Casey shivered, both from the sensation and the anticipation. He could feel the heat of Danny's body radiating along the full length of his own, increasing the first stirrings of arousal deep in his body. Hesitantly, he let his own hands explore, and found the feel of Dan's body under his touch even more exciting than the continuing caresses to his own flesh.

But when Dan's hand slid down his upper leg, then back, pushing the material of his boxers up and stroking along his inner thigh, Casey gasped. A shocking wave of sensation went through him, and he tensed at the unexpected surge of arousal, suddenly very conscious of what they were doing. Danny moved to pull him fully into his arms, but Casey resisted the full-body contact, half embarrassed at how hard he had become so quickly.

Danny kissed his shoulder with understanding and moved his hands back to Casey's upper body. Casey flushed, even more embarrassed at his display of virginal bashfulness, then determinedly reached for Dan again. Still keeping just a little distance between their bodies, he started kissing all the skin he could reach, running his hands under Dan's shirt. It felt awkward, this time; his earlier relaxation had been replaced by a self-consciousness that made his movements stiff and took away much of the sensual pleasure. Dan made encouraging little sounds and tried to reciprocate, but couldn't seem to recapture his previous pacing. Casey kissed his neck and Danny begin to tremble. Casey was greatly pleased with himself until Danny started choking back what sounded like snickering, and he realized that what he took as passion was actually suppressed laughter.

"What?" he said in confusion.

Dan had given up the battle and was laughing so hard he could barely speak. "Ah, Case," he wheezed. "Casey...."

"What?" Casey demanded again, beginning to feel and sound a little indignant. He had always had a reasonable amount of success in the bedroom; no one had ever laughed at his technique before.

"Casey, Casey...."

"Yeah, you said that already."

"For God's sake, Case," Danny said at last, calming his last few chuckles. "We're making love, not playing hockey."

"I know that."

"You sure?"

"Yes," he said, his masculine pride stinging.

"Then you gotta relax." Danny propped himself on his elbow and looked down at Casey. "Just relax."

"I am relaxed," Casey protested.

"No, you're not." Danny paused, a pause Casey instantly recognized as a warning signal. "Casey, if you don't want to do this, it's all right."

"Danny -"

"No, I mean it. I'm not going to hate you because you don't want to sleep with me."

Casey froze, stared up at Danny, then mutely shook his head. He wasn't doing this to avoid another fight. He wanted it. Absolutely. Without question.

But Danny was giving him one last chance to back away, one last way out. He could get out of this bed right now, go back into the living room with no more than a chaste kiss good night, and Danny would let him do it. No harm, no foul.

And for just a moment, Casey thought he would do it. Until he heard Danny's voice again. "Casey?"

So vulnerable, so much hope and dread. Danny had laid everything out for him, given Casey everything he felt, everything he wanted, and then left Casey to make the final choice.

"No," Casey said finally, hoping he was answering the right question, the right way. He kept a tight grip on Danny's arm, just in case. "I want this. I absolutely want this."

"You sure?" Not a trace of humor, this time.

"Yes," Casey replied with equal gravity. He started to say more, then stopped when he realized he didn't know what he wanted to say.

A touch to his cheek told him Danny understood anyway, as he always did. "It's okay," Dan said. "We'll figure it out."

"You sure?" Casey shot back, and knew his grin was returned.

"Absolutely," Dan said, and sat up. "Just relax."

He took the hem of his shirt in his hands and Casey's breath caught as Dan peeled the fabric up and over his head. "You do that and you tell me to relax?" he remarked with a weak attempt at flippancy. His gaze followed the revelation of pale skin in the dim light, made all the more erotic by the shroud of darkness.

"Hey, if that's all it takes to get you going, then we've got nothing to worry about." Affection filled Dan's voice, and Casey smiled, feeling, if not exactly relaxed, considerably more at ease. Danny turned him on. In a very big way. And that was a very cool thing.

A smooth palm skimmed over his stomach just before Danny straddled his hips. Both of Danny's hands pushed Casey's shirt up and ran, tantalizingly, over his abdomen. He watched the expression on Danny's face change from curiosity to rapture as he pushed Casey's shirt further up, hands stroking along Casey's sides. Casey drew a deep breath, shaky with the thrill of having Danny touch him, then lifted his head and shoulders off the bed. Dan pulled Casey's shirt the rest of the way over his head and tossed it onto the floor.

Unable to resist, Casey raised his own hands to Danny's body, running them along the curve of Dan's shoulders and down his arms. A gentle pressure on the biceps was all it took to draw Danny down on top of him, his arms circling around his friend's back.

This time, Casey didn't fight the intimate connection of their bodies as Dan rolled them to their sides. He leaned easily into the embrace, letting himself enjoy the tiny, moist kisses Danny nuzzled into his neck, reveling in the beginnings of renewed arousal between them as their lips met again.

Delicately, at first, he traced the contours of muscle, then harder as the need for contact grew. Danny stroked his thigh again, slowly, deliberately, and Casey briefly lost himself in the excitement the touch sent through him. He rocked against Danny, felt more than heard the answering gasp.

"Yes," Danny whispered as Casey ran his hands lingeringly down Danny's sides, not stopping, this time, at his waist. Kissing his way along Danny's shoulder, Casey pushed the boxers down from his partner's hips. Danny gave up his hold on Casey long enough to help pull them off, then moaned into Casey's neck as the exploration resumed.

Casey teased the indentation at the small of Danny's back, then ventured downward. When his palm curved around smooth, firm flesh, he groaned. He could imagine, suddenly, what it would feel like to be inside Danny, to push in deep as those muscles tightened around him. To lay against that strong back, cradled within the tight, sweet warmth.

Another breathy moan escaped him, and he felt the response shiver through Danny. The intense fantasy evaporated with a lurch as Dan abruptly turned them over again. Casey stared, startled, up at his partner just as Danny bent to open Casey's mouth under his. The heat, the pressure, the urgency of the hard, naked flesh against his bare stomach upended his rational thought and the fantasy inverted. Dan moving over him, preparing to thrust into him. How it would feel, how it would taste to make Danny slick and ready. Then Danny would slide into him, he would let Danny slide into him, in the ultimate act of trust between friends.

The thought of the progress and completion of that act made Casey ache with need. Danny's mouth moved down his chest, and the pleasure of lips and tongue on his skin almost made up for the loss of the full body contact he craved. Then Dan's tongue traced around his navel and a strong hand came to rest on him through his boxers. The hand rubbed him gently through the thin cotton material, spreading pleasure through his lower body.

Casey whimpered in protest when the hand left him, taking away its promise of satisfaction. But then he was lifting his hips at Dan's urging, allowing Dan to gently remove his boxers. Carefully, Danny eased Casey's straining flesh free of the clinging fabric. He pulled the boxers off, then returned with a soft kiss to the place Casey needed attention the most, drawing the head, too briefly, into his mouth. Cool air nipped at the wet skin when Danny left, but Casey was already too far gone to care.

By the time Danny's weight settled full-length onto Casey, they were both trembling, pressing stiff and hot against each other. Dan rested his lips against Casey's cheek, breath hoarse and uneven; he gave a thrust with enough force to send sparks along Casey's spine. The pressure and friction were almost enough, and Casey's hips pushed up to meet the second thrust, and the third, until the rhythm became maddening.

Danny gasped something incoherent, then he went very still, body tensing and almost crushing Casey into the mattress, the first spurt of hot liquid spreading over his stomach. The force of Danny's climax shook through Casey. His body tensed in sympathetic reaction, needing the same release. Dan went limp on top of him, but Casey thrust up against him anyway, uncontrollably. The sensation wasn't the same until Dan recovered enough to move with him again, kissing him and murmuring encouragements against his lips.

Another thrust, and another, and then Casey was holding his breath because suddenly it was enough, one last sharp push triggering his orgasm. He clutched at Danny as he rode out the intense pleasure, pulse by pulse until only a nebulous remnant lingered. Without warning, he started laughing, laughing until Dan laughed, too, with joy and relief because they had done it, and the world hadn't ended, and in fact, he felt damn good. He felt like he should slap Dan on the back or something, except that Dan was kissing him again and that felt much too good to interrupt.

When the last shocks had dissipated, Dan slid off him and Casey let his head loll back on the pillow, eyes closed. Danny reached over him for something, then soft cloth stroked across his abdomen, cleaning off the dampness. He smiled a little, happy that Danny was taking care of the details, since Casey didn't think he could move a muscle for anything more than breathing. Dan paused; when Casey opened his eyes, Dan was looking at him apologetically. "Sorry," he said, dropping the handful of cloth onto the floor. "That was your shirt."

"It's okay," Casey said, closing his eyes again. "It was sacrificed for a good cause." He was grateful Dan forbore mentioning other shirts that had been sacrificed in the name of Casey's sex life; even more grateful when Dan settled against his side, fingers twining with his, thumb stroking his palm.

He let himself float for a while, mind and body still reverberating from their lovemaking, the events of the last few weeks so distant as to be irrelevant. The pleasant buzz faded gradually, leaving behind a bone-deep lethargy, yet something still kept him too keyed-up to fall asleep. Danny had stilled beside him; Casey propped himself up on his elbow to look down at his partner, his free hand stroking gently along Dan's jawline. The small curve of his lips in response told Casey that Dan wasn't yet asleep, which was a relief to Casey, although he wasn't quite sure why. "I love you," he said, surprising himself.

Danny opened his eyes and looked up at Casey with that half-smile still playing around his lips. "I know," he replied calmly, then closed his eyes again.

"I just had to tell you." Casey bent and kissed Danny's hair softly. "Jeremy said it wouldn't count if I didn't tell you."

Quick reflexes and less than an instant of warning were all that saved Casey from a smashed nose and a cracked skull as Danny sat bolt upright. "You told Jeremy?" he demanded incredulously as Casey scrabbled at the sheets to keep from falling off the edge of the bed. "You told him about us? Good God, Casey, the entire office - no, the entire building, and the newsstand attendant - must know about it now."

"I didn't tell him about us," Casey protested. He put a calming hand on Dan's upper arms, but Dan was still looking at him from under lowered brows as if dismemberment were a very real possibility if Casey didn't explain things to his satisfaction, and fast. "We were speaking in generalities. Actually, we were talking about Natalie. It was while you were" - he swallowed to get to the end of the thought - "still missing."

Dan kept his gaze on him, then dropped his eyes and nodded slightly. "Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to overreact."

"It's okay."

They sat together quietly, Casey waiting for Dan to speak again. "I guess...it was bad?" he said at last. "While we were gone?"

"Yeah," Casey answered shortly. Dan wouldn't ever know how bad it was, because Casey wasn't ever going to tell him. There was no need to relive those horrifying hours; Dan had been through enough on his end. "But we don't have to talk about that."

"Okay," Dan said simply, then leaned forward and kissed Casey gently. "And I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

"Mean what?"

"What I said about everyone knowing. I didn't mean to sound like I was ashamed of it."

"I know." Casey cupped Danny's face in his hand and returned the soft kiss. "You know, there's another Chuang-tzu quote that comes to mind."

Dan looked at him, puzzled. "When did we have a first Chuang-tzu quote?"

"Before." Dan was still staring at him blankly. "About the butterfly."

"Oh. You're sure that wasn't Lao-tzu?"

"Positive." Casey shook his head with affectionate exasperation. Dan's mind had been otherwise occupied at the time; he could be forgiven for not remembering Casey's display of erudition. "Chuang-tzu - there's no doubt."

Dan smiled, turned his head to kiss Casey's palm. "Okay, then what's the second Chuang-tzu quote?"

"'Cherish that which is within you, and shut off that which is without; for much knowledge is a curse.'"

Laughing, Dan lay back against the pillows, pulling Casey down with him. "Obviously, Chuang-tzu never worked in broadcast journalism."

"He lived like twenty-two hundred years ago, Danny."

"I know that," Dan said, impatiently, and Casey grinned against his shoulder. He had known Danny knew, just as he had known what Dan meant. And he knew that Dan had known what he meant. "And I love you, too."

"I know," Casey answered drowsily. Danny's arms tightened around him as they stretched out over the rumpled sheets. The warmth of his friend soothed his tired body, and at last he found himself enough at peace to drift off, utterly satisfied.

END